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Friday, August 28, 2015

Aug 28, 2015

 FRIDAY NIGHT WITH NO GRANDKIDS! Or KIDS for that matter! The girls are with their grandparents and Cheyenne isn't spending the night tonight like she usually does on Fridays, because I don't need to babysit in the morning. Clay and Teeg will be here tomorrow evening and all night so I'm getting in some peace and quiet and some me time! Jamie's out doing his UBER driving haha, so its just me. He and I just got back from the SweetCorn Festival. Anyone who knows me at all knows I HATE crowds with a passion and have even been known to get panicky so I am always glad to get home from these kinds of things. I can handle it for short times and that's about it. I am the a true introvert for sure. I don't like or need to be in the midst of a lot of people or activities- ever. It's hard for me to understand people who love being in the middle of big groups of people and activities, parties, any of that. I am the most comfortable and at peace when I am at home in my own surroundings with as few people around as possible. I absolutely love the grandkids and love spending time with them but I absolutely have to have time for just me, totally alone, in my own home. Jamie often doesn't understand this. He says he does but so clearly he doesn't. Often, his response when I have said I want to be alone is to tell me to get out and go somewhere alone. Now, a fellow introvert would know that true necessary alone time would consist of being at home alone, no one else in the house, not even on another floor "leaving me alone"... I am only alone if NO ONE ELSE is in the house LOL!! It's a difficult thing to explain to people so I really don't try much anymore. I just try and enjoy it to the fullest when I do have it. I often feel I wasn't really meant to have a family. Which is just so weird because I have always wanted kids and I sure have my share of them! You can't have kids AND get what you need the majority of the time as an introvert. Just doesn't work. But I have learned to savor what time I do get for myself. It's just never enough!

  Well I am so lame that it's Friday night, 11pm and I am going to bed. I can't even describe the exhaustion I have felt the last week or two. Don't know what's causing it. I'm usually full of energy but lately I just feel the need to take a lot of naps, never have a lot of energy no matter how much caffeine and just don't feel like myself. Every day I hope to sleep it off but apparently it's here to stay a while, so my bed and I have become close friends! Night all!

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