Aug 28, 2015

 FRIDAY NIGHT WITH NO GRANDKIDS! Or KIDS for that matter! The girls are with their grandparents and Cheyenne isn't spending the night tonight like she usually does on Fridays, because I don't need to babysit in the morning. Clay and Teeg will be here tomorrow evening and all night so I'm getting in some peace and quiet and some me time! Jamie's out doing his UBER driving haha, so its just me. He and I just got back from the SweetCorn Festival. Anyone who knows me at all knows I HATE crowds with a passion and have even been known to get panicky so I am always glad to get home from these kinds of things. I can handle it for short times and that's about it. I am the a true introvert for sure. I don't like or need to be in the midst of a lot of people or activities- ever. It's hard for me to understand people who love being in the middle of big groups of people and activities, parties, any of that. I am the most comfortable and at peace when I am at home in my own surroundings with as few people around as possible. I absolutely love the grandkids and love spending time with them but I absolutely have to have time for just me, totally alone, in my own home. Jamie often doesn't understand this. He says he does but so clearly he doesn't. Often, his response when I have said I want to be alone is to tell me to get out and go somewhere alone. Now, a fellow introvert would know that true necessary alone time would consist of being at home alone, no one else in the house, not even on another floor "leaving me alone"... I am only alone if NO ONE ELSE is in the house LOL!! It's a difficult thing to explain to people so I really don't try much anymore. I just try and enjoy it to the fullest when I do have it. I often feel I wasn't really meant to have a family. Which is just so weird because I have always wanted kids and I sure have my share of them! You can't have kids AND get what you need the majority of the time as an introvert. Just doesn't work. But I have learned to savor what time I do get for myself. It's just never enough!

  Well I am so lame that it's Friday night, 11pm and I am going to bed. I can't even describe the exhaustion I have felt the last week or two. Don't know what's causing it. I'm usually full of energy but lately I just feel the need to take a lot of naps, never have a lot of energy no matter how much caffeine and just don't feel like myself. Every day I hope to sleep it off but apparently it's here to stay a while, so my bed and I have become close friends! Night all!

 https://brandiwilske.scentsy.us/

Typical Saturday

It's 9:30 a.m on a Saturday and I am showered, dressed and have coffee made! Oh and I just managed to eat breakfast. All with an 8 mo old granddaughter in toe! (Cheyenne) . She's my sidekick these days. I have her overnight most Friday nights as mom and dad both work early on Saturdays. If left with no grandkids I'll easily sleep until this time if not later but when I know a grandchild is in the house, it's like my brain doesn't ever shut off, so sleeping in doesn't happen if they do sleep late, which surprisingly she did today.

 Today's a typical Saturday. Not a lot going on other than watching grandkids. Teegan and Clay will be coming over later in the day while mom and dad go to a wedding and reception so I'll have them overnight. Teegan, just two mos old, hasn't mastered sleeping through the night and has to be waken at 4am anyway for meds, so I know I won't be well rested when I have them. Clayton is an early riser and always has been. It's so nice now though that he's older and more independent. He gets up and watches tv and plays except that he, for some reason we haven't figured out  yet, feels the need to come all the way downstairs to use the bathroom instead of using his right by his room upstairs. I think he just needs to have that contact with us haha.

 Well time to get Chey cleaned up from breakfast and figure out what to get done today! Til next time!
 https://brandiwilske.scentsy.us/

August 14, 2015

 Another busy day in the Wilske household. Always is busy but some days more than others. Today is actually a day "off" for me, at least as far as me cleaning myself. I have two people (employees) doing three jobs for me today and one of those ladies has done a job every day this week for me and two today. I'm enjoying hiring out as well as doing some cleaning on my own. For one thing of course it's extra income for me without doing all of the actual cleaning and I've always dreamed of getting bigger. Now I'm working on getting my name out there even more. It's not without headaches and stress though, but it usually works out fine. You can't please everyone though and I have found that some people just aren't going to be happy no matter how hard we try, so I do my best but I am not going to stress too much over people I can't please. All I can do is my best, and make sure the people working for me are doing well too. I have a couple of really nice and hard working ladies right now who do a great job.

 On a more personal level, I've been staying busy with the grandkids and love it. Teegan and Clay have been over a lot this week, as has Cheyenne. We don't get to spend a lot of time with Brittany's kids, Jason and Jennifer, as they live about 40 minutes from us and they're not in CU all the time. But we do spend time with them too when we can.
  Teegan is two mos old now and has "come alive" more this week. He's doing great. Holding his head up better, looking around, more interested in his surroundings and even smiling a little. It's so wonderful to see him blossoming after all he went through. Love that little guy!

 The girls leave for the weekend tonight. I have Cheyenne (9mos old) this evening but after that we may get out and go do something. Drive in movie perhaps. We'll see. Til next time.....
 https://brandiwilske.scentsy.us/

  WOW, "time flies" is an understatement. The last two years plus have been just a constant whirlwind of activity. I really got away from my writing and have really missed it. It's a great outlet for me. The last two years have been probably the busiest of my life and yet the most valuable on a personal level. I've learned more in this time about myself and what I want, need and deserve from life than ever before, but also, and more importantly, how to be there for the ones I love without giving away such a big part of myself each time. Boundaries I guess you could say. Writing is something I have always loved doing and a few months ago I did do some, in the form of a very short "book" which I self published on Amazon. Making money wasn't really my goal but instead getting my life story out there, which has always been important to me and something that I've found really freeing. Doing that writing really made me realize how much I miss it and it's when I decided I'd somehow find more time for it. However, not real long after that, along came my daughter's second son. He's now almost two mos old and spent the first five weeks of life in hospitals, so that is what most of my time was spent on this summer. So glad he's finally home and stable. He is our fifth grandchild and with each one, I tend to get busier and have less time, something I wouldn't trade for the world.

 My health is something that is really important to me and often gets in my way. Overall I've always been pretty healthy but in the last few years my autoimmune problems have begun to worsen, and being in my middle 40's now, it just takes more out of me than it used to I guess.  In my never ending quest for the best possible quality of health, I have really gotten into essential oils and have had a lot of success with them for several different issues, evening using them on my three year old grandson Clayton for a terrible cough he tends to get a couple of times a year. I myself use them for hormonal balance, sleep, and immune strength. Exercise is really important to me also and I know that has really helped me to stay strong and probably doesn't hurt the immune system! Between all of this and trying to keep my cleaning business going strong, and recently even hiring someone for some of the jobs I have coming in, taking care of the girls we have at home still (three of them who are all teens now), I get worn down at times and forget to give myself the time I need to just relax and forget about all of my responsibilities for a while! For one thing there's just not a lot of time for that and when there is, it seems impossible to shut down my brain long enough to benefit from the time I may have to relax a little. It's a never ending battle!

  On that note, seeing as how it's getting pretty late, I should try and relax now and shut down the old brain for a while! Until next time....
  https://brandiwilske.scentsy.us/
www.brandiscleaning.com

LAZY SUNDAY

  Sundays used to be my least favorite day. Nowadays they're probably my favorite. Although both Saturday and Sunday have some great qualities, Sunday is by far the laziest, coziest of the days. I am working at not ruining the day by thinking about the busy and stressful week ahead and instead just enjoying the day in front of me. Lots of times, I have my grandson Clayton on Saturday nights, so instead of sleeping in on Sundays like I used to, I am often awake pretty early, and don't always sleep well, knowing he is here and constantly waking up wondering if he's ok. As much as I used to love sleeping in on this lazy day, I do love waking up to his smiley face when I get the opportunity. I find myself feeling a lot like I used to with my daughter- I love every moment I have him but then after his parents pick him up I find myself wondering if I made the most of my time with him and really relished every moment. Sometimes when he's here, and throwing tantrums, as toddlers always will, I am tired and sometimes even a little stressed by the tantrums, and feel like maybe I'm not just letting myself enjoy all the moments I have with him. I will talk more about Clayton as there is a lot to say about my relationship with him. But the point of this post I guess is that I am working on trying to enjoy whatever moment I am in, instead of always looking to the future, thinking about dates or events that may be coming up that I am dreading or just worrying about life's every day little worries that come along. This has always been a challenge for me, as I have always analyzed every situation to death, have always worried about everything I can possibly find to worry about in any given moment. I suspect this will always be a challenge for me, no matter how hard I work at not allowing it to take over my life. There is so much going on in my life at any given moment that I sometimes feel like I will never give any part of my life the full attention I wish it could get. Just my business alone keeps me so busy and sometimes so stressed out that I am always trying to find a way to just get away from that stress, until I remember all the other "projects" or stresses in my life and then I have even more to worry about! You'd think I would try to make my life simpler huh? But no, I keep adding to it. I think somewhere deep inside, I need the constant stress and worry. It's all I've ever known and I am not sure I could really figure out how to deal with a life that was just mundane and ordinary. So on I go, adding more and more to my plate. Currently I am mom to my only biological child, Audra. She's 20 now, living on her own for the past year with her boyfriend and the father of her son, Clayton, my first and so far only, grandchild. Even though Audra's out of the house, I have realized just how much she still needs me. This does not make me unhappy at all, as I am all too happy to be there for her and still be a "mommy" of sorts to her :-)  However she is also very independent, very smart and capable and is making a nice life for herself. My step son Sean, who I raised in my previous marriage (he is my exhusband's son but we had custody of him) is 23 now and about to become a dad himself. I would love to be a grandma to this child also. Time will tell if that happens. I sure hope so.

     I am remarried as of 5 and a half years ago, to Jamie, who has five kids. Three of the kids still live with us (Jamie has full physical and legal custody) At the start of our marriage, all five of his kids, and my daughter Audra, were all living with us. So being down to three kids now seems so much easier and much more quiet! Being step mom to these kids, especially the three living with us currently, who were all pretty young when we got together, has been wonderful (and also awful, messy, hurtful at times, scary, irritating, and yes, also a gift) Being a step mom- full time- to kids living with you, is probably one of the most stressful things you can do in your life, ever. I'd be lying if I said I love every moment and dread them growing up, but at the same time, there have been some pretty awesome times and I do know this is what I was meant to do. It's no mistake that their dad and I got together, even after the pleads of my daughter for me to go meet him (she was friends with his daughter)  and me telling her over and over "are you crazy? He's got five kids!"  My whole life has been about going in the opposite direction I thought I'd go in and figuring out a few years down the road, exactly why my life took that direction. It's funny because at the time that I am making these choices I never thought I'd make, I feel in total control, only to figure out down the road that it happened because it was supposed to. It's not that I made the choice to put myself in that situation. It's that the universe put a vale over my eyes for a while, to all the awful things about making that choice, so that I could see only the good, and want to be there, and not run away! And allow me to slowly but surely get more and more enmeshed in that life, and all the good that comes with it, before the bad and ugly come out to show themselves. By then I am realizing why I made the choice, figuring out that it was meant to be, and knowing exactly why I am there (and reminding myself of those facts when I am angry or sad or depressed about something that's happening).
 
 There will be lots more in the future about being a step mom, as that is a huge part of my life. I think by the time I get really used to this life, they'll be grown and moved out of the house, and hopefully bringing those grandbabies by to visit! The ones living with us now are all girls, 11, 13 and 14. Yes, very difficult ages regardless, but especially when they're all girls! But I've been doing it almost six years, and I don't have a lot more than that left of them actually living here. I can do this!! :-)

  Now off to enjoy the sunshine, the beautiful day that April has chosen to send us. Talk soon!

Hi everyone. I'm new to blogging but have been looking for an outlet such as this to write about what's going on day to day, share and receive ideas about everyday life, and just blab. I've been working on ebay a lot today. I'm beginning to sell ebooks on ebay which tells others how to sell ebooks, whether it's on ebay or other sites. http://myworld.ebay.com/brandi71 is my page. I'm really excited about doing this- I hope to someday be able to make enough on ebay to work less at my job. I own a cleaning business and work extremely hard every day. It's really taking a toll on my body as I have recently been diagnosed with RA and have really been in pain, especially with hard physical work. We'll see what happens!